想不到第一篇Movie review ，就是寫《色戒》。
不想寫什麼分析，上映過後這十幾年，已經有各種仔細到不能再仔細的人物和畫面解讀，彷彿每個Planck time (時間的最小單位）都被分析過。
就單純說一說，14歲時第一次看完整版（嗯，稍為懂電腦，加上一點點的好奇心，也蠻容易找到的）和17年後的今天再看一次的感受。
小時候看覺得整個畫面故事背景音樂很淒美，王佳芝和易先生性愛的部分不完全看懂，可能是對於愛和性的理解比較有限。
從簡單認為性就是兩個喜歡的人走近，到理解為陰陽結合，再到陰性能量包容接納一切破壞性創造的陽性能量，終於明白導演編排的那3段戲，SM部份不過火(第一次看的時候還是覺得有點激烈….），少一點會欠缺張力，多了又可能變成fifty shade of grey，太露骨失去情色的美感 。高中電影課的時候，中文老師有討論過《色戒》，但當然沒有辦法討論到這當中的精髓。
那幾幕在香港大學本部大樓的場景，以前看就是一個歷史學校場景，現在看還加入了一點自己學生時期上下課的回憶，蠻有趣。
這一類情感極度糾結的電影十分吸引我，世界並不是非黑即白，情感的複雜和層次是作為人很寶貴的禮物。
17年後對世界的理解不一樣，重看，還是覺得很美，更美。
PS: 前幾個月聽了live orchestra 的《色戒》演奏，加上今天氣管過敏又不想外出，躺在家中休息，看戲劇的好時間
I never thought my first movie review would be Lust, Caution.
I’m not here to analyze it , after all these years, people have already taken it apart frame by frame. I just want to write about how it felt to watch the full version for the first time when I was 14 (with a bit of curiosity and some basic computer skills, it wasn’t too hard to find), and how it feels watching it again, 17 years later.
When I first saw it, I only thought the film was heartbreakingly beautiful, the story, the music, the atmosphere. The sex scenes between Wang Jiazhi and Mr. Yee were something I didn’t quite understand back then. Love and sex were still abstract ideas to me.
At that age, I thought sex simply meant two people liked each other. Later, I came to see it as a meeting of yin and yang, or even the feminine energy absorbs and softens the raw, destructive, yet creative masculine force. And now I finally get why Ang Lee designed those scenes the way he did. The SM moments weren’t too much (though to a 14-year-old, they surely felt intense). Any less, and the tension would’ve been lost; any more, and it would’ve been like Fifty Shades of Grey style and lost the quiet beauty of eroticism.
I remember my Chinese teacher once discussed Lust, Caution in our high school film class. Of course we could only talk about the surface.
The scenes shot at the University of Hong Kong’s Main Building used to just look like “a historic campus” to me. Watching it again now, I think of my own student days, walking those same stairs, passing through those same arches. It hit a little differently this time.
I’ve always been drawn to films full of emotional contradictions. The world isn’t black and white. The complexity of human feelings makes life so precious.
Seventeen years later, I see the world differently. But Lust, Caution still feels beautiful, even more.
P.S. A few months ago I went to a live orchestra concert featuring the Lust, Caution score. And since my throat’s been in allergic condition today, I stayed in, rewatching the film, and writing this.